So I was arrested yesterday.

Yeah. Good times.

Nick and I are on our way to Paul & Janene's when I get pulled over for speeding. I do 75 at all times so this doesn't surprise me. What does surprise me is when the cop asks me to exit my vehicle and begins handcuffing me.

Awesome.

Won't even tell me what the fuck is going on until he's done cuffing me. Apparently I had a warrent out for my arrest regarding a missed court date for a traffic ticket. My court date must have coinsided with getting laid off and that's why I spaced it. Stellar.

So I'm cuffed and frisked by the side of the fucking freeway. Not embarassing at all. I'm put in the back of the squad car. This is when I realize how claustrophobic it is back there, especially with my hands behind my back, and try hard not to freak out. The cop brings me my cell phone so I can call someone to come pick up my car, which is almost out of gas, and, oh yeah, my passenger is legally blind. He cuffs my hands in front of me and while doing so says something about me not trying to escape while he does so. I'm like yeah, right. I'm in heels, on gravel, by the side of the fucking freeway, probably gonna run off somewhere. So I call Jodi, praying to God she and Jason are home, and thankfully they are. Nothing like your friends seeing you in cuffs.

Then I have to wait in the car for some Tempe cop to come get me to take me to the Tempe jail. Sweet. It's not hot or anything. And with my hands cuffed behind my back I am incabable of wiping my forehead off so sweat is dripping into my eyes, stinging and blinding me. Awesome. The cop finally shows up and apparently needs to frisk me as well, all by the side of the fucking freeway. "Is there anything in your bra?" "Just me." Outstanding. We get to the jail and they feel the need to frisk me yet again. It's a feel-Niki-up free-for-all.

They take my ring, my earrings and my hair tie. Fantastic. They put me in a holding cell. Eventually they bring me out to fingerprint me. Awesome. They don't use ink anymore. I didn't know that. There's a glass pane that scans your prints. This whole time I'm honestly finding this whole experience fancinating. I'm thinking, so this is what it's like to be arrested. Sweet. This is what it's like to be handcuffed. (In a non-sexual way). There go my fucking plans to rob a bank. Fuck! Now that they have my prints that solution to my debt problem is out the window. Great. After the fingerprinting they hand me a blanket and are ready to take me back to the holding cell, intending to keep me overnight. I don't think so. I explain to them that the cop said my fine was $350 and that I could pay that and leave. They say to me, well you didn't tell us that. Oh, excuse me! I don't do this every fucking day. I'm kinda new here. I foolishly assumed that you cops fucking talked to each other and told each other this pertinent fucking shit. So yeah, FYI, I was told I could pay the fucking bail and be on my merry way. So they put me back in the holding cell while they sort themselves out. Meanwhile I'm in there with some poor girl who needed two grand to get out otherwise she's there till Tuesday (not the band) and gets fired from her job. I had heard her on the phone with her family earlier and thanked God I wasn't her.

They ran my credit card, put me in yet another holding cell, and eventually gave me back my shit, and I was free to leave. All in all, the whole ordeal took about three hours. I called Jodi to come pick my ass up, broke the news to my adoring parents, since their credit card saved the day, got a chuckle from Chuck, my good friend the cop in Santa Barbara, and a call back from my BFF Mitch: "Jailbird!".

Jodi and I proceeded to Macayos where I drank the largest forzen margarita they could make, and then continued my inebriation with Vigo at Gordon Biersch (two Mojitos), Fat Tuesdays (Pirates Pleasure), and Bison Witches (three Skyy Citrus and tonics). I settled the evening with a Lumberjack Slam at Denny's and now I have a sleepy Jameson at my feet on my coffee table.

It's good to be on the outside again. I almost forgot what freedom was like. Does the air still smell as clean? Is the Pacific still as blue? Things have changed since I've been in the clink. I hope I can readjust to the outside world.

*Auntie "Jailbird" Niki

Crafty Bitch

I almost lost my mind with creativity today.

OH the ideas!!

I already make fantastic scarves and Bracelet Purses and have them up at Scarving For Attention while I set up my Etsy site. Be sure to check 'em all out.



I'm knitting all summer and stockpiling so I can have a huge batch of awesome ready for sale come Fall. Lemme know if there's a color you're interested in and I will whip it up. More styles of Bracelet Purses on the horizon as well. It's madness!! The scarf below is Corinthian.



Tonight I picked up the bits and pieces to make my Tooth Fairy pillows! I had the greatest Tooh Fairy pillow growing up. It was dark green velvet and had a little pocket on the front, trimmed in lace, and it hung from a ribbon around my bedroom doorknob. I'm making new ones and they are going to rule! All the moms are going to want one for their kids.

So many more things I want to make...jewewlry, magnets, drinkware, aprons, coasters, drink koozies, wine glass charms. And that's just the tip of the creative iceberg. If I were a rich woman, or even an employed woman, I would rush out to Michaels or JoAnn's and snap up a bunch of supplies, but alas. I must wait. I did have my eye on the sewing machines at Walmart. I know, I know...Walmart. But when you're broke and unemployed you have to shop where you can save the most money and that, my friends, is Walmart. I could bust a sewing maching for under $100 there.

I would also love a dress form. I want to start modifying shirts and dresses and just go crazy with them. I have ideas in my head, I just need the tools to create them with.

I got so many ideas wandering around Stein Mart and Hallmark. If you're looking for inspiration I highly suggest a window shopping trip. Bring your notepad and a pen to jot down your ideas.

Enough chit chat. Time to get craftin'!

Thanks for the ride, Lady!

I'm gonna sound like an asshole but I'm gonna say it anyway.

Get a car.

There is simply no excuse for an able bodied person in their late 20s-early 30s to not have a friggen car. None.

And I'm not talking about people that live in NY or San Fran or some place with other viable means of transportation. I mean out here on the west coast where everything is spread out.

How the hell do you get by without having a car? Oh, that's right. You call ME for a ride. I feel like I'm 18 again and got my first car. I had friends asking me if I wanted to go to Ventura and I thought hey, yeah! Cool! They want to hang out with me! And then they said, "Cool! I'll even give you gas money." And my face sank. They didn't want to hang out with me, they wanted a ride into town. At least they offered gas money. I have friends who never offer anything for carting them to and from a venue and act put out when you say, "Hey! Buy me a drink!" It's a sad day when you realize you aren't this persons friend, you're just their ride. They never call to chat or ask you to go to lunch or anything of a friend-like nature. It's only for a ride to a party or a show. Does it make sense to ask someone who lives less than a mile from a venue to drive 20 miles to your house to pick you up to go to said venue? I'm going to go with no. What kind of balls does it take for someone to do that? The guise of friendship.

Even giving a ride to help someone out in a tight spot can turn into me suddenly becoming the designated ride giver. Get your car fixed! Fix your priorities! Especially if you live out in BFE. How did me, the unemployed, broke girl become the chauffer? I don't have the money or the gas to drive out to BFE and pick you up. I just don't. One ride turns into a request for three more. Do I have sucker written across my head? Is there honestly no other person you could ask? Because I said yes once, not knowing where I had to drive to, I am now the go-to girl? No. I wouldn't do that to my friends. I wouldn't ask any of my friends more than once. I was being polite and helping you out, don't take advantage of me.

Either get a job close to home or get a fucking car. Seriously. Do you like depending on other people or, heaven forbid, public transportation to get around? I couldn't live without my own car, or being in a city where I didn't need one like DC. I don't like depending on other people and time schedules. I want to go when I want to go. This is the reason that I don't like carpooling unless it's really neccessary. You either get stuck somewhere or have to leave too early. Screw all of that.

I do have some friends who survived heartily without their cars. They took the bus and they sucked it up but they did it while they were saving the money to fix and/or get a car. This was even accomplished in LA by an actor friend of mine. No joke! It's the people who, for no justifiable reason, don't have cars that piss me off. If your car is constantly breaking down, save the money and fucking fix it already. If you're an adult and you'd rather just mooch off your "friends" for rides instead of getting your own car, prepare to lose all of said friends. I am not your transportation service. Suck up some goddamn responsibility and get yourself a fucking car. Be responsible, be independant, be an adult.

It boggles my mind. What the hell is wrong with people?