Man without a country

As the NFL season starts cranking through its hell week I am again reminded that I am football team-less. LA doesn't have a team and I refuse to be a Raiders fan as they simply suck ass as a fan nation. My college, despite ruling in men's & women's basketball, and kicking some rugby & lacrosse ass, doesn't have a football team, either. This doesn't stop me from walking down Mill Ave on New Years Day and screaming at all the Tostito Bowl fans that "The Gauchos are gonna take it all!!!!!" How did Jim Rome cope with this? San Diego and San Fran are too far away to feel like they are MY team.

Do you have to root for a team from your home state/town? Most east coasters, I find, are going to tell you it's sacrilege to do anything less. Others would say who the hell cares, pick a team! How does one go about picking a team to be a fan of? What elements does one consult? Or is it a flat out crapshoot? I suppose I could just suck it up and be a Chargers fan. Or possibly a 49er fan. But I'm just not feelin' it. I don't know that my dad is a fan of any particular team. And he's from West Virginia so no luck their, either. He's a fan of our high school football team and follows them religiously. You think YOU know a fanatic? Get in line.

And for college ball, do I pick the school closest to me? It's either UCLA or USC. Does that make me a traitor? Or simply a sports fan?

Basketball? Done. Laker fan. Always have been. 5 years of rec ball and a fanatic Laker fan Grandma long behind me. I am also a Celtic fan, never having known of the rivalry growing up. I knew I liked Magic Johnson and Larry Bird. Simple.

Baseball? Dodgers. I'm from north of them so I was more exposed to them growing up. The Los Angeles Angles of Anaheim piss me off. Those are two different cities, people. Knock this shit off! But they are in two different leagues so I can rock them both. I am also a Giants fan simply because I went to high school with their pitcher Noah Lowry. I'd be a fan of whatever team he happens to be playing for. If he would get off the DL, that is.

Hockey? Never cared. Been to one game and it was a good time. But I don't care enough to follow it. Though I never get enough of Miracle. I could watch that movie all day long. Hell, I have.

Living in Phoenix one might ask me, why not be a Cardinals fan? Next. No thanks. Suckville. The only thing good about them is their new stadium way out in West Bumble Fuck. Suns? Eh. Dbacks? Eh. Coyotes? Eh. If I had to root for a team it would the Kings or the Ducks.

Does any of it matter? I dunno. I was a cheerleader and I loved rooting on my team, whether it was football, basketball, swim team, water polo, whatever. I am truly a cheerleader at heart, rooting people on in anything they do. I want to see people succeed at what they love. This is why I rule at promoting bands and the like. So in that regard I am totes a Professional Cheerleader. Now I need to audition for the Phoenix Suns squad…