Traffic Survival School: Surviving The People

There's always at least one person in these classes who can't shut up about how much they don't want to be there. More so than that it's their insistence that they are far more inconvenienced and important than you and therefore their time is far more valuable than yours. "I hate wasting my time." Because the rest of us don't? Because everyone else here is just SO excited and enthralled with the prospect? Your time is no more important or special than anyone else’s, sweetie. Hate to break it to you. If you don't take this class then your license is suspended so maybe it IS worth your time. And maybe if you hadn't gotten a bazillion speeding tickets, a DUI, and then totaled your car, you wouldn't be in this class to begin with. So don't act like you're so superior to everyone else in here that made some stupid driving mistake.

It's also supremely enjoyable to have you sit a few chairs away from me and decide you need to call your coworkers to check on work stuff and forget how to use a reasonable phone voice. Then proceed to tell them you're "stuck sitting in the front row" and please call a few people and tell them all the same thing. Loudly. Please don't step outside or in the other room to make these calls, please, please, PLEASE make them loudly in front of all of us because we're all so very interested in your incredibly mentally stimulating job in sales with Express Flooring.

Then, please rush through the GROUP survey and then proceed to finish all four of the quizzes while commenting, "If we get all this done we can LEAVE. I hate wasting my time." Hate to break it to you honey, but we're here until 10. It also says in huge bold letters across every paper they give us to NOT ASK ABOUT LEAVING EARLY. If they said 6-10 they don't mean we can leave at 8. And please keep your Blackberry on and sneak looks at it while we're in class despite the fact that it's completely obvious and obnoxious. Oh wait, I forgot. You're so much more important than the rest of us. When we get a break please say loudly that now you can send some emails. Because no one else in class in inconvenienced by having to be here, just you. No one else had other things they'd rather be doing, just you. Silly me. Really, all you're doing is irritating the shit out of everyone else by concentrating, out loud, on how much you don't want to be here. You just sound like a pretentious, stuck up snot.

And please ask asinine questions. For instance when someone mentions the ticket you can get for flicking a cigarette butt out your window while driving, ask,” What are you supposed to do with them? Put them out in your car?" That IS what they make ashtrays in cars for. And if you don't want your car to smell like smoke maybe you shouldn't smoke in it. And if you don't like the smell of smoke on you then maybe you shouldn't smoke. Just throwing that out there.

Please just shut up and we'll all get through this and be back out on the roads to cut each other off like normal people.