Brace Face

From October 15, 2008


I got braces put on my teeth on Monday afternoon. I'm basically a glutton for punishment. Can I blame the drugs? My ridiculous sense of being a Wonder Woman? My hard and fast independent streak? Or pure ignorance?

After all I've been through in the past 2 weeks I seriously sat down in that chair and had them cement brackets to my teeth. I started to panic when they put all that shit in my mouth that keeps your tongue and lips out of the way. It was almost like I felt claustrophobic, like I was in the MRI machine again. I almost said yeah, I can't do this. Laying back on the chair I forgot how to breathe. My tongue slid back against my throat and I forgot I had control over it. My tonsils were so fucking huge that there is a lot of extra room back there now. When I drink something it still feels like it wants to come out of my nose. I didn't think it would be this much adjustment, or any kind of adjustment, really. Live and learn.

So I fought through my paranoia and survived. It only took about an hour. I opted for the "clear" bracket braces. I saw a girl at a play recently and standing 5 feet from her I could hardly tell she had them, so I figure from stage it would be practically impossible. I was surprised when I went in for my consultation to learn that the Invisilign, which I originally wanted, was $1300 more than regular braces, would take longer and would less effective. So I opted for your old school braces and for the past two days I have been regretting it.

I broke down yesterday afternoon. I have just had way too much drama in my mouth-hole for the past two weeks and I hadn't cried since the first vommiting experience. It was all just too much. I probably should have waited a few weeks until I was more back to normal than to rush and get them on now, but I was thinking long term and the sooner I get them on the sooner I can get them off. I had been warned of the pain involved but I guess I didn't believe it. Last night my teeth were simply throbbing and, oddly enough, itching. I could feel the roots simply itching in my face. I've worn sores on my cheeks and I can't bite down all the way. When I did, my front teeth were hitting the brackets on my bottom teeth so they put this cement on the bottom of two of my molars, one on each side, to prevent that from happening. How I'm ever supposed to chew again is beyond me. I broke down and bought Anbesol last night and thank the fucking lord I did. Sweet, sweet numbness.

I'm on the liquid diet. Naked Juice protien drinks, Carnation Instant Breakfast, soups, baby food, humus, and the shit-ton if ice cream I have left over. I have only had water, Gatorade, and ice tea for the past 2 weeks. No soda and no alcohol. I'm hoping the lack of binge drinking will show up on the scale. The vicodin still running through my system has put a damper on my hunger, as well as the pain in my teeth. It seems to have subsided today, thank God. I was freaking out on Monday night thinking this was a horrible mistake and I never should have done it. I'm just tired of feeling jacked-up and in pain and uncomfortable and angry. I need a vacation from my illnesses.

I always wanted braces but they were something we couldn't afford. I was also afraid that boys wouldn't like me. So good idea Niki, wait until you're 30. I didn't have a boyfriend in high school, I should have just gotten it over with then. I've also never had that big of a problem with my teeth. It's not like I'm a snagglepuss... "Exit stage left even!" But I thought having straight teeth would be nice and I found a great deal and I should only have these for a little less than a year and a half. I just wonder if, when I'm done, I'll start looking skeptically at my nose. Eh, I doubt it.

And speaking of being single, feel free to set me up with awesome guys you may know. I'm a catch, damn it! I just don't get asked out. I don't know if I intimidate the shit out of guys or what the deal is but I'm rad and I would like an equally rad gentleman friend. Help a sista out, wouldya?!

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