Renovation

A few weekends ago I drove to Yuma, AZ. to audition for a film.

That film is entitled Renovation. It's about a group of house flippers who take on the project of flipping an old hotel that is rumored to have 15 million dollars stashed away in it from an old bank heist. Needless to say, people die.

This was a great day. A fantastic day. A day that solidified my desire to be an actor.

I killed that audition. There were so many factors as to why. A large contributing factor was that I stopped caring. What I mean by that is I didn't treat this audition, and the possibility of being cast, as the be-ll, end-all of my world. That's where you get yourself in trouble. See my earlier post about auditioning for a play I studied for 6 months. I went to this audition to have fun acting. If it's not fun why bother doing it? But I didn't go into thinking this was my only chance in the world to make it as an actor. Hardly. You see people on American Idol do that all the time: "This is my only chance and if I don't get it I'll just die!" No, you won't. And no, it's not your only chance. It's one singing competition. There will always be more. Always. Going into this audition with the attitude of having fun and knowing this is just one more audition and that there are plenty of other movie and plays coming up to go for takes all the pressure off.

After my three hour drive to Yuma I waited about two hours before I read my first scene. I read it naturally and made the director, writer and entourage laugh. The writer said he didn't realize he'd written a comedy. I told him that's what I bring to the show. The director said he was now looking at the whole script in a new light and that he loves that one character in a horror movie who takes the tension out of a scene and makes you laugh. He went on to say I had great instincts and great delivery and that my scene partner and I had read the scene differently than anyone else had. The writer also said that when I came in and sat down and stated my name and where I was from and such to the camera he instantly envisioned The Boss character who runs the local newspaper. He said my voice was very authoritative and I sounded like I could really put someone in their place. I made a mental note of that.

I read for that part as well and I killed that one, too. I walked out of there feeling like a Golden God. I over heard other people reading the same scenes I had read and I felt their readings were so over the top and not believable. I over heard other people waiting to audition talk about things they've done and people they knew and it all re solidified the fact that I really don't like most other actors. I'm not there to impress other would be actors with who I know or where I've been. I'm not there to be pretentious and look down my nose at other people. I'm there to act. People who have never done stage acting don't make the best film actors. They just don't. They don't work as hard because they know they can just do another take. You don't get another take on stage. I'm speaking specifically of one actor I read a scene with at this audition who, sitting five feet away from him, I couldn't hear a word he was saying. He was mumbling and speaking to the floor. Just because you're good looking doesn't mean you can act, sweetie. He went on to complain that this audition was taking too long and that for an indie film with characters it shouldn't' take this long. Well, those are the exact reasons this audition should take that long. This isn't a commercial audition, kid. Those are quick. This is a film with a cast of characters that have to be put together. And you've done what, three local commericals? Get away from me. He even said to me, "Doing film you don't actually have to be good because you can just do another take." What more can I say.

Maybe it was hearing such high praise from people who didn't know me from Adam. Maybe it was just time. Maybe it was both. But driving home from that audition I knew, once and for all, that I can do this. I am good. I am talented. Maybe I never fully believed in myself for so many reasons. Depending too much on support from family and friends that I won't get, naysayers who don't want to see people achieve what they themselves want, or don't want to see anyone happy at all. Taking every audition and every part too seriously will make the rejection echo through your soul. Wanting to be an actor for fame or fortune or to spite your family and prove your acting teachers wrong, these are the wrong reasons to go after it. I think I've had a combination of all of those things for years now. It's all been wiped away and what I'm left with is the pure enjoyment of acting and making people laugh. And I am GOOD at it.

I am perusing acting for the right reasons, the reasons I got on stage in jr. high to begin with: to be the center of attention. Haha! To entertain and make people laugh. I've come full circle to my humble beginnings on the Matilija stage. I'm also finally at a stage in my life where I am ready for this. Ready to go after acting as a profession. As much as I thought I wanted it, I had other plans in my teens and 20s. I went to college, traveled, saw bands, traveled to see bands, and my social life was the most important thing and I lived it up. That's where I wanted to spend my energy and a lot of times acting felt like a chore and a burden and an obligation more so than something that I felt fulfilled by. I had moments of fulfillment but it was clouded by so much else clamoring for my attention. My priorities have shifted and acting has finally come into full view. And I wouldn't have it any other way. I would hate to have this huge, successful acting career at 23 and regret never having all the college and band experiences that I had. I'm ready for this next stage in my life and I now truly believe I am going to succeed. I'll succeed because I love what I do and I'm good at it. My goal is to have fun, tell great stories, and make people laugh. Not get famous and makes stacks of cash, though cashmoney is always nice, those are just perks of doing what you love. Because my intentions are pure I know I will succeed and that is incredibly exciting. I have the personality, the talent, the drive, the passion to finally make this happen. There really is no stopping me!