Phaedre and Being Topless on Stage

That is correct. N2T announced auditions for Phaedre, director Damon Dearing's adaptation of the Greek play, and I will be going out for the part of Ismene who also doubles as Aphrodite. I auditioned for this play last year and would have gotten the part had I not been going to Vegas. Needless to say the lesson has been learned and I will have zero conflicts ever again.

Getting this part means being topless on stage. I am down with this because in this case it's art. It's not some gratuitous love scene or something sketchy: it's the Goddess of Love. I really like this part, as being the side kick is always more fun than the lead, and I would love the chance to be topless in a tasteful way on stage. I can also safely say that if I get cast the show will immediately sell out. I have a huge chest. You know you saw it coming.

I've got my sides and my audition date on the 10th all lined up. I am going to kill this part. I love the language and I am chomping at the bit to finally work with N2T. And to get to the gym to work out like a mofo.

The Play About The Naked Guy

Got a callback for this badboy TONIGHT. Dig it. It's a really fun play with a bunch of fags and a gay porn star. My character is pregnant which is fun in and of itself. It's a Stray Cat production with the director from Nearly Naked at the helm. I'm going over my sides now.


I read my post there about being bummed after that last show I didn't get cast in. Man, I need to lighten up. It's not like I'm ever going to STOP auditioning. Plays and movies end and then it's on to the next one. It's not like interviewing for a job you hope to have for five years, unless it's a sitcom and even then shows get canceled. Yeah, it gets frustrating to get so close and then not get the part but man, that's how it goes. You're not going to get every part you go out for. I have done a far better job regulating my emotional investment in auditions and I have realized I need to scale it back even more. Good. I like this. This is where I need to be. I have friends in LA who go on a couple of auditions a DAY, you think they have time to get all up in arms about ONE gig? No! Suck it up, man!

Tough love on myself. That sound perverted. Nice.

Auditions galore!

So I went on two auditions simultaneously a few weeks ago, both for iTheater Collaborative in Phoenix. I was called back for Indivisible but not The Play About the Baby and ultimately not cast. Boo. But that's OK because the show goes up the same time that Nearly Naked Theater's Phaedra goes up and I'm gunning for a part in that.

I went on an audition for Unnecessary Farce with Desert Foothills Theater last night. That was a trek to get there. Way the hell up north, about an hour away. It's a great comedy and that's what I'm good at. I rocked the reading for both parts and the director called me this afternoon to tell me she thought I was wonderful and ask me to callbacks tomorrow night. Sweet. I have a feeling I'll get cast because I nailed it and because it's so damn far away. It's how I roll.

Then everyone can come and see me and laugh and I can hopefully get cast in some more shows in this damn town. More comedies, please!

Sylvia

Tempe Little Theatre is holding auditions tomorrow night for Sylvia by A.R. Gurney. It goes like this:

"Middle age Greg finds precious Sylvia (a dog, played by a human) in the park and immediately takes a liking to her. He brings her back to the empty nest he shares with Kate.

When Kate gets home, she reacts very negatively to Sylvia and wants her gone. They eventually decide that Sylvia will stay for a few days before they decide whether she can stay longer.

Over the next few days, Greg spends more and more time with Sylvia, and less time at his job. Already dissatisfied with his job, he now has another reason to avoid work.

Tension increases between Greg and Kate, who still does not like Sylvia at all. Eventually, Greg becomes completely obsessed with Sylvia, and Kate fears their marriage is falling apart. Greg finally realizes what is happening, and decides to give Sylvia to another family.

At the last minute, Kate has a change of heart and decides that Sylvia can stay with them permanently. Greg and Kate resolve their differences, Greg finds a job he likes better, and they live happily ever after."


I can dig this. This is my kind of play: comedy. I need to make a trip to the Scottsdale Library and check out their copy, but I feel I could make a mighty fine bitch. =)

The Little Dog Laughed

I auditioned for this play Tuesday night, for Nearly Naked Theatre. It's written by Douglas Carter Beane, the cat who wrote To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar and is quite the wicked comedy. It's about a Hollywood actor named Mitchell who is gay and his agent who is trying to keep him in the closet. Mitchell is nailing this gay prostitute who is also sleeping with a woman. Hilarity ensues!

This was one of the rare occasions where I didn't get a chance to read the play beforehand. The director handed me a monologue and scene for the girlfriend part and I scurried off to a corner to look them over. I preformed the monologue first and got some great laughs. The director then asked me to pair up with one of the guys for the two person scene. Not everyone made it this far after their first performance.

We read over the scene a few times and then we were up. Now, this audition was set up where we were all in the room together at the same time. I hate these kinds of auditions. Normally I don't want to watch anyone else do the scene I'm about to do. This time, though, it worked to my advantage. I watched two couples do this scene and they were both different. So I took some cues from both of them and then added my own spin. I garnered some major rager laughs and felt so at ease and natural up there. It was also helpful to have all those other actors in the room as an audience to play off of.

I felt on top of the world when I left that audition. I felt I really nailed it, I made them laugh, I felt good about the choices I made, and that I made my audition quite memorable. It also helped that I didn't have much emotion invested in it. I found out about the audition two days before and could only get a hold of a synopsis and the first two pages. If I don't get cast of course I'll be bummed but I am really proud of the performance I gave at the audition and that makes it all worth it.

The director is waiting until next week to cast this show as their current show, RENT, closes this weekend and he's concentrating on that. There may or may not be callbacks, he hasn't decided. I'm ready for anything!

Blackbird

Went on an audition this morning for one of my favorite theatre groups, Stray Cat Theatre.

A great dramatic play called Blackbird. I bought the play a few weeks ago so I'd have time to get to the bottom of it. It's a heavy number with only two characters and it's written in a very specific and dynamic meter.

Drama isn't my strong suit. I'm a comedienne. Doesn't mean I can't do drama it's just not my preference and not what I do best. Not yet, anyway. I would actually really like to get this part as it would force me to branch out into unknown territory and grow. It also scares the crap out of me and makes me uncomfortable. Acting is one of the only mediums where you can be wholly uncomfortable in a safe and comfortable setting.

It never ceases to amaze me how we put in all this time and effort studying a play, a part, a character, all for three minutes in front of the director. Sometimes that's all there is. You know this play, this story, these relationships inside and out and you don't get the part. It's such a mad crazy thing. Only for love do we do these things.

Callback? We'll see. Another audition down, another one on the horizon.

Tiny Pond

Of the seven agencies I submitted to only three of them are known to be reputable and legitimate. I've heard of them, have friends signed with them, and they were the top agencies when I moved to Tempe six years ago.

Well I have received "Sorry, I already have enough actresses in your category" emails from two of them. The third is the one who wants a hard copy submission. Damn it all. How long do you wait before you submit yourself again? Six months? A year? With only three real agencies to deal with that is one hell of some slim pickins. Do I submit myself to agents in LA knowing I don't have the money to be there right now? And what category is it that they are putting me into anyway? How am I supposed to get anywhere and go on SAG auditions without an agent?

Blarg.

Well Damn

I just checked the Renovation film's website and they had the cast listed with their headshots. Guess I didn't get a part. That blows. Damn. I was looking forward to being a part of that project. No email, no phone call, no nothing. Just never hear back from them again. That's how it goes.

I am bummed. Not devestated by any means, thanks to my attitutde about auditioning. Now I don't have to drive to Yuma, so that's a plus. The girls they cast all kind of look the same so maybe that's what they wanted. Who knows? That's another thing about not getting a part is there is typically never any reasoning or explanation. You're either what they're looking for or you're not. Simple as that. It's just a tad more frustrating when they heaped so much praise on me and then I'm not offered a part.

Damn it all!

And on to the next one.

You're On Your Way

I just applied to six talent/casting agencies in town via email. Look at me go.

One might ask, Niki why did it take you so long to do this? I don't rightly know. Sometimes the stars just have to align. For whatever reason, the time is now. It's not so much that I wonder if I should have done this years ago, but two months ago when I initially got laid off. But as much as I love Back to the Future I can't go back in time. I can only move forward. So there I am.

One more agency needs a hardcopy sumbission so I will have to hit a Walgreens tomorrow and print out a copy of my headshot and then I'll shuttle that off to them.

Feeling good. Feeling productive. I took another step. Let's get this show on the road!

Renovation

A few weekends ago I drove to Yuma, AZ. to audition for a film.

That film is entitled Renovation. It's about a group of house flippers who take on the project of flipping an old hotel that is rumored to have 15 million dollars stashed away in it from an old bank heist. Needless to say, people die.

This was a great day. A fantastic day. A day that solidified my desire to be an actor.

I killed that audition. There were so many factors as to why. A large contributing factor was that I stopped caring. What I mean by that is I didn't treat this audition, and the possibility of being cast, as the be-ll, end-all of my world. That's where you get yourself in trouble. See my earlier post about auditioning for a play I studied for 6 months. I went to this audition to have fun acting. If it's not fun why bother doing it? But I didn't go into thinking this was my only chance in the world to make it as an actor. Hardly. You see people on American Idol do that all the time: "This is my only chance and if I don't get it I'll just die!" No, you won't. And no, it's not your only chance. It's one singing competition. There will always be more. Always. Going into this audition with the attitude of having fun and knowing this is just one more audition and that there are plenty of other movie and plays coming up to go for takes all the pressure off.

After my three hour drive to Yuma I waited about two hours before I read my first scene. I read it naturally and made the director, writer and entourage laugh. The writer said he didn't realize he'd written a comedy. I told him that's what I bring to the show. The director said he was now looking at the whole script in a new light and that he loves that one character in a horror movie who takes the tension out of a scene and makes you laugh. He went on to say I had great instincts and great delivery and that my scene partner and I had read the scene differently than anyone else had. The writer also said that when I came in and sat down and stated my name and where I was from and such to the camera he instantly envisioned The Boss character who runs the local newspaper. He said my voice was very authoritative and I sounded like I could really put someone in their place. I made a mental note of that.

I read for that part as well and I killed that one, too. I walked out of there feeling like a Golden God. I over heard other people reading the same scenes I had read and I felt their readings were so over the top and not believable. I over heard other people waiting to audition talk about things they've done and people they knew and it all re solidified the fact that I really don't like most other actors. I'm not there to impress other would be actors with who I know or where I've been. I'm not there to be pretentious and look down my nose at other people. I'm there to act. People who have never done stage acting don't make the best film actors. They just don't. They don't work as hard because they know they can just do another take. You don't get another take on stage. I'm speaking specifically of one actor I read a scene with at this audition who, sitting five feet away from him, I couldn't hear a word he was saying. He was mumbling and speaking to the floor. Just because you're good looking doesn't mean you can act, sweetie. He went on to complain that this audition was taking too long and that for an indie film with characters it shouldn't' take this long. Well, those are the exact reasons this audition should take that long. This isn't a commercial audition, kid. Those are quick. This is a film with a cast of characters that have to be put together. And you've done what, three local commericals? Get away from me. He even said to me, "Doing film you don't actually have to be good because you can just do another take." What more can I say.

Maybe it was hearing such high praise from people who didn't know me from Adam. Maybe it was just time. Maybe it was both. But driving home from that audition I knew, once and for all, that I can do this. I am good. I am talented. Maybe I never fully believed in myself for so many reasons. Depending too much on support from family and friends that I won't get, naysayers who don't want to see people achieve what they themselves want, or don't want to see anyone happy at all. Taking every audition and every part too seriously will make the rejection echo through your soul. Wanting to be an actor for fame or fortune or to spite your family and prove your acting teachers wrong, these are the wrong reasons to go after it. I think I've had a combination of all of those things for years now. It's all been wiped away and what I'm left with is the pure enjoyment of acting and making people laugh. And I am GOOD at it.

I am perusing acting for the right reasons, the reasons I got on stage in jr. high to begin with: to be the center of attention. Haha! To entertain and make people laugh. I've come full circle to my humble beginnings on the Matilija stage. I'm also finally at a stage in my life where I am ready for this. Ready to go after acting as a profession. As much as I thought I wanted it, I had other plans in my teens and 20s. I went to college, traveled, saw bands, traveled to see bands, and my social life was the most important thing and I lived it up. That's where I wanted to spend my energy and a lot of times acting felt like a chore and a burden and an obligation more so than something that I felt fulfilled by. I had moments of fulfillment but it was clouded by so much else clamoring for my attention. My priorities have shifted and acting has finally come into full view. And I wouldn't have it any other way. I would hate to have this huge, successful acting career at 23 and regret never having all the college and band experiences that I had. I'm ready for this next stage in my life and I now truly believe I am going to succeed. I'll succeed because I love what I do and I'm good at it. My goal is to have fun, tell great stories, and make people laugh. Not get famous and makes stacks of cash, though cashmoney is always nice, those are just perks of doing what you love. Because my intentions are pure I know I will succeed and that is incredibly exciting. I have the personality, the talent, the drive, the passion to finally make this happen. There really is no stopping me!

Worth it?

There are auditions tonight and tomorrow for a play this summer called The Curious Savage that will only run for three shows. Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Two months of rehearsal for three shows. I don't know if I like the sound of that. It's frustrating to put in all that work for only three shows. It reminds me of college.

And the theatre is through a church. I have no problem with churches or people who go to them, I just don't want to be preached about converting or joining or any of that jazz. I'm not a religious person and it's not a religious play. I'm just not sure how it all sits with me. I don't know how comfortable I am in churches. I've never spent a lot of time in them and have only ever been to one church service.

I don't know how the whole thing is sitting with me. I ordered the play off Amazon and read it. I like it and there are two or three characters that could be fun to play. It's not like there is a lot of other theatre going on right now as the summer is starting to gear up, companies start gearing down. Mid summer I'll start working on the scripts for the fall theatre season.

It could be fun. I'm out of work right now and it's been a while since I've been on stage. And I may not even get cast. I'm a good actress but I'm not always right for the part. I'm a character actress and enjoy comedies. Drama is not my strong suit or what I really enjoy. These characters are funny and this play is a good one, though a bit dated. This theatre company looks like they do plays from the 50s, which this one is.

Auditioning is always a good thing. Keep yourself sharp, keep yourself on your toes, keep yourself in the game, keep yourself in front of people. It's a cold read audition which are always interesting. And, once again, the call backs are on a night I am supposed to go on a double date. Ain't that the way.

So Damn Close

Hey Niki,

I just wanted to personally thank you for coming out and auditioning for
PHAEDRE. I thought you did a wonderful job and I asked around about
you and other directors had WONDERFUL things to say about you.

I just wanted to let you know that your availability was a huge factor in
my decision making, and although there were other considerations, I
was really impressed with your audition and look forward to seeing you
at future ones!
Thanks again,

Damon Dering



I feel so stupid. I am so kicking myself. Fucking stupid. I think it's fantastic that he took the time to personally email me and had such glowing things to say and I'm glad it wasn't my acting that stood in the way of me getting this part. I just never thought something like going to Vegas would be the deciding factor in whether or not I got cast. What I SHOULD have done was written "tentative plans" or "flexible". If it's not a wedding I'm IN or something like that it shouldn't stand in the way of being in a show. Where are my priorities? Do I want to do this seriously or not? This should come before anything else. If this was the kick in the ass I needed to finally really get my priorities straight then I surely have it now.

The other thing is this is a workshop production to prepare it for full production next season which starts this fall. I could audition and get in the full production, which would be bigger and better. My BFF Mitch was relieved I didn't get cast as he doesn't think me being topless on stage would be good for me. Eh. All the shows would be sold out, but it's not like it would be vulgar nudity, the part is the Greek Goddess of Love. C'mon. I think itwould have been very artistic and I would have learned a lot from the experience. Hopefully I still can. I'm just feeling really stupid right now. To lose out on a part because of something so dumb is frustrating. At least I don't suck. =)

It's all Greek to me!

From February 25, 2009

I had an audition last night and I kicked the fucking shit out of it! It was great. Everything just came together.

Damon, the director of Nearly Naked Theatre, is writing an adaptation of this play called Phaedra. He has two versions he's trying to meld together: one is written in antiquated english and the other is in modern english. (But not Modern English) We auditioned with the antiquated english script which is written a lot like Shakespeare. It's about a Greek queen named Phaedra who is in love with her husband Theseus's son Hippolytus. The son is in love with a Greek princess names Aricia, who has been imprisioned by Theseus, and is the rightful heir to the throne of Athens. Theseus has been missing for 6 months and is presumed dead. That means Aricia is now free. Aricia has a best friend named Ismene who is her link to the outside world and tells her of the king's death and also that Hippolytus is in love with her. Aricia doesn't believer he because the prince seems to be violently against women but he confesses his love to her in the next scene. Thinking her husband is dead, Phaedra tells her step-son she's got the hots for him and he gets freaked out by it. And on and on. It's good stuff.

He sent out the sides in an email yesterday and I printed them out & read them over. I also was lucky enough to find the Cliff's Notes on the play online so I studied those as well. Knowing what the play is about helps alot in deciphering the sides and giving a better audition.

When I got there of course everyone else there knew each other and were hugging and talking and it really made me hate theatre people. It's fucking annoying all the insider shit. Of course I'm on the outside of it, so it's annoying, but I hope I'm not that annoying to other people. It really does alienate people.

There were 7 women and 2 men at this audition. I think there were auditions on Sunday, one of the women there had read before, and was pretty good. It was funny to watch the other auditions. He sent the 3 of us younger women outside to read over a scene together and we took turns reading the parts of Aricia and Ismene. This one girl was just NOT good. Right after she read for him he told her she could leave. Not a good sign for her. You're out. She was bad. So was this other older woman. The girl I read my scene with was a very tall, very thin, very pale, very blonde woman. It worked out very well though, as she really liked the part of Aricia and I really liked the part of Ismene, so that's what we read. I had to explain what the play and the scene was about to her but I had my shit down. It all came together for me in explaining the scene to her and what the characters were doing...I got that Ismene was excited about the news of the death of the king and Aricia's pending freedom and the news that the prince loved her, and Aricia didn't believe any of it. I also have a knack for the language it was written in and being able to get the idea across so the audience would get it.

Damon really liked what I did and asked me if I would be comfortable being topless on stage. The best friend part doubles as Aphrodite and the goddess would be topless. I said sure. It's not vulgar or lewd, it's a Aphrodite the Goddess of Love. I'm all about it.

He had the both of us women read two different scene with Aricia and Hippolytus, had us all stand back to back to each other to check our heights, and then we were done. I don't feel the part of Aricia as much as the part of Ismene but I could do it given time and rehearsal. Either way, I hope I get one of the parts.

The cool thing about this production is it's a workshop production. Damon is writing the script so the purpose of this is to prepare it for full production in their next season which will start in the fall. This production will be lightly produced which means essentially less money spent. There will only be 6 shows, and there will be a Q&A with the audience before and after each show to find out what they feel worked and what didn't, so we as a group can improve the script. It would be a really fantastic project to get involved in. It's really creating theatre. And Nearly Naked Theatre is one of THE theatres in town to work with. It would be incredible exposure for me as an actor as everyone who's anyone comes to see NNT shows.

He's got more auditions on Thursday and then he's going to make a decision so I hope I get in!

When you care enough to give the very best

From December 11, 2008

and it just isn't enough.

For six months I have been studying the one female part in this play I finally got to audition for. I had that shit down. Down. I've read the play over and over and had all the little nuances down. I wanted that part so bad. So bad. I knew that was a bad sign. You can't want the part that much, you only set yourself up for failure. You have to go in to an audition wanting to have the best audition possible. I rocked the audition. Then I got a callback. Awesome. I went in there and tore the stage up. I waited all day long for a call confirming and not an email denying. No calls and no emails. I checked my email around 12:45 last night and there it was. It was a very sweet email about how difficult the decision was and how much he enjoys watching me perform but it still said I didn't get the part.

I probably could have put in 2 weeks of work and gotten the same result. Jaren was right. It has nothing to do with hard work, it's luck and who you know. Unfortunately I know & have worked with this director before so there goes that theory.

I know it's nothing personal. I know he just found someone who better portrayed his vision of what this character should be and/or had better chemistry with the other lead. There was only one female part and after six hours of auditions he only called back five women. I'm glad I got called back but damn it, I wanted this fucking part.

I haven't been on stage in so long and I fantasized about getting this lead role with one of the best theatre companies in town, having all my friends come out, even getting my parents to come out for it, finally being back on stage in a great play, getting my name and face out there and it leading to other wonderful opportunities. God, I wanted that.

Most of the audition notices since I moved back here are for musicals. First, I'm not a singer. Second, I'm not in high school anymore. Then there are the plays or films that only need men or 45 & older women. Contrary to popular belief, I am none of those things.

I did the best I could do. I don't know what more I could have given. It's really hard when your best just isn't good enough. I'm just really pissed and really hurt I didn't get this part. The play was even written by my high school english teacher's big shot playwrite brother. Acting is about rejection and what I've learned is that it never gets easier. Sometimes it makes you wonder if you should shitcan the whole idea. God, I don't want to be average.

I've got the blues. The mean, lowdown, dirty, should-have-moved-to-LA, how-can-I-ride-Laurent-from-Twlight's-coattails blues.